BBSNews 2003

BBSNews - 2003-01-31 -- The absurdity of putting Ed Rosenthal on trial for helping the sick and dying has fouled my mood. Scanning the newsgroups I came across a scrap of a thread where a seasoned drug policy reform veteran sarcastically opined, in response to another cannabis nonsense du jour, "The death toll from cannabis is rising alarmingly. It's time it was made illegal, guaranteeing that nobody would use this foul substance." Another reader chimed in saying it was "pretty vague sarcasm." Let me see if I can clear it up a bit:

It's high time that cannabis was banned to save the worlds children from this evil scourge. We must have no knock searches and drug checkpoints, specially trained drug agents and dogs, and make some geographical areas a prime focus because of their high intensity drug trafficking.

Aircraft with forward looking infrared radar must be brought in from the military, utility bills must be thoroughly screened for overusage, borders must be strengthened against this menace with military advisors training and providing equipment to domestic border control and law enforcement. And we must test the bodily fluids of any students who may be getting an education with public money.

We need a tips line where neighbors can call law enforcement on other neighbors to report suspicious drug activity, we must have a government agency to centralize such data collection to get it in the hands of law enforcement in a timely manner.

Research into the positive effects of cannabis must be discouraged at all costs, even if the facts and science of other research projects suffer as a result. For the good of the children.

We should create a mindset that reverses the premise that one is innocent until proven guilty, this is no longer necessary. If you've got nothing to hide you should not be afraid of being searched or having your property searched, your urine screened and your baggage scanned, sniffed, inspected and pawed through. In fact, upon demand you must provide a complete list of all contents of your property and belongings to the US government or face home invasion.

Government officials must use their office and influence to stop any possible weakening of cannabis laws. Judges must instruct juries to disregard any evidence that provides a defense to cannabis prohibition laws. Law enforcement will be pressed into service as cannabis experts to teach children about the dastardly dangers of the evil cannabis.

Businesses must urine test their workers for any possible hint of cannabis. We must seize the assets and property of any who even have a whiff of involvement with the scourge of cannabis. We should take away any funding of college education from anyone caught with cannabis and we must institute zero tolerance in all schools, expelling from school any child caught with cannabis.

We must take away children from parents who are found with the evil drug cannabis, we must take newborn babies away from mothers right at the hospital, at birth, of any mother using cannabis while carrying the preborn.

And anyone who provides cannabis to others as a medicine must face life in prison and utter financial ruin for such a terrible offense.

Once all that is in place there won't be any cannabis anywhere in the world.

The children will be safe.